


Knives, Poison, and Diplomacy

by kaywhirr



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Choking (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mildly Dubious Consent, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26297407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaywhirr/pseuds/kaywhirr
Summary: In a desperate plea for support, The First Order has invited delegates from major systems to discuss future relations on the Steadfast. However, the Resistance has other plans for the meeting, sending you in as an undercover counselor to assassinate Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. As you get close to him and gain his trust, you become uncertain where your loyalty truly falls.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	1. Let the Order Fall

Your anxiety heightened from the laughter and chatter coming from the briefing next door. It crawled over your skin and possessed your body. You were supposed to be in there, amongst your comrades, hearing the new plan of attack. Instead, you were summoned to meet Commander Sest in the Ring.

Standard protocol was to meet your captain in your designated room each morning. That’s where they would hand out the team assignments for the day. This morning had been different, though. Everyone on the base had been on edge, bustling with fear and excitement. Rumors of an attack on the Order were circulating. That’s why you were shaking nervously in the Ring next door all by yourself as your team heard their exciting new tasks.

The Ring was a small room made entirely of concrete with no windows. The only source of light was a dangling bulb in the middle of the ceiling. Usually, the Ring was only used to settle disputes or carry out private conversations, neither of which felt applicable to you. Each corner of the room had a small metal chair. You had chosen to sit in one of the far corner chairs, staring intently at the door.

Your fingers were curled around the edges of the seat, knuckles turning white against the cold metal. Almost ten minutes had passed, which meant Sest would enter at any moment. The talking next door died down, indicating their meeting was beginning as well. A captain began to speak. By the sound of the voice, you could tell it was Captain Shysa, but it was too muffled to distinguish her exact words. To get a better listen, you found yourself leaning closer to the wall when Commander Sest marched into the room with a 3PO unit.

Commander Sest was dressed in his usual attire, dark brown pants, and a loose-fitting button-up. The sleeves were rolled up to reveal his tense muscles. It was clear he was just as anxious about this meeting as you were.

The chair made a disturbing shriek as he dragged it across the floor to place in front of you, causing you to wince. Sest sat down on the edge of it with the droid situating itself behind him. He adjusted himself further into the chair and silence overcame the room.

“Am I in trouble?” You finally mustered the courage to ask. Sure, you had been a little aggressive during training and on edge during briefings, but only because you couldn’t stand the resistance not taking immediate action. None of your recent actions felt punishable.

“Of course not,” Sest answered quickly. Your body relaxed slightly, still on edge for the news to come. “Your performance has been outstanding, in training, on assignments you have been exceptional.” He brought his fingertips to dance across his lips, not yet meeting your gaze. Behind him, the 3PO’s mechanic eyes were staring into your eyes. Creepy. You chose to look down at your feet.

You nodded your head towards the room next door. “Then why am I not receiving a task on the mission, like the rest of the team.” Your voice was much quieter than you intended, but you deserved an answer.

“You are. You are receiving the most important task on the mission. The most important piece of the puzzle.”

“Well tell me what it is then because you’re starting to freak me out.” Your eyes finally met his. They were serious and harsh, their regular warmness absent.

“You are to assassinate the Supreme Leader.”

“Kylo Ren? That’s a suicide mission. You can’t be serious.” Your voice became deep and defensive. You began to push your hands against the harsh metal of the chair to stand but quickly slumped back down. The words you were hearing seemed incomprehensible. Words that couldn’t possibly be meant for you. “Is this some kind of joke?” Your voice became quiet and small again.

“I don’t joke.” His face was stern. “Not with matters like these.”

“I can’t single-handedly kill the Supreme Leader of the First Order.” You always felt confident in your skills, especially in training, but this felt like an impossible task. You were just average, you didn’t have any special abilities, and they were asking you to take out one of the most powerful force users. “And does Leia know about this? I mean, she seemed so sure he could be swayed.”

“She knows the plan. She knows what we need to do.” General Leia is calling for the death of her son? The son you’ve seen countless cheerful pictures of hanging in the Generals office. It didn’t feel right.

“Even if she did, I don’t see how this is possible.”

“If you can gain his trust, you will be able to do this. The Resistance needs this. The First Order is in disarray; this is our time to strike; this is our time to take him out. Let the order fall.” You didn’t respond. You didn’t know how to respond. You just stared down at your hands. This time he used your name, attempting to bring you back to the moment. “You are the only one I can trust to do this.” He bent his body down further to meet your gaze. All these weeks since the battle on Crait, you had wanted to get back at The First Order. They were finally giving you your chance but were you really ready to step right into the hands of death?

“How do you plan on getting me near the Supreme Leader?” It was a valid question. It was near impossible to even get close to the First Order fleet. How would you both board without question and reach Kylo without detection? You had been training for weeks with the undercover team, but this wasn’t what you had in mind for your first mission of this manner.

“There is a meeting of delegates taking place in two days on the Steadfast. We have information from the inside that this is a desperate plea from the First Order for more support,” Sest began to slow his words as if he was attempting to let you process them better. “You are to attend as the Counselor to Coruscant’s Senator. He will not be in attendance, as we have made arrangements with the planet prior.” They clearly had this plan laid out for some time but chose to tell you last minute, as if to guilt you into accepting.

“I attend the meeting, and then what? Are we not planning an attack?” It didn’t make sense. If this felt like the time, why not just attack their fleet?

The Commander paused and looked to the side. You could see his brow line was peppered with sweat as well as his hands. His elbows were now aggressively pressing into each of his knees. “Kylo Ren is the first domino that needs to fall before the rest will go. And any of the information you can gather from this meeting will help, help the resistance plan the attack.” He then reached into his pocket to reveal a small knife and clear vial. “You will have these with you. Small enough to conspicuously get on board.”

“What are the chances of survival?” You asked.

The 3PO droid leaned to look at you past Commander Sest: “19.43%.”

“Less if it were anyone else,” Sest added. His eyes were so full of trust as if he believed with all his heart that you were the one to do this, the one to change the direction of the war.

You opened your hands so he could give you the small dagger and the vial. It was the only gesture you could muster to accept his assignment. He placed a gentle hand on your knee, then rose to leave.

“Let’s end this.” He was almost out the door when he paused and turned back towards you. "And don’t be discussing the nature of your assignment with anyone else, no need to endanger others with this knowledge." Those were his last words before he disappeared down the corridor, out of sight. You dropped your head and played his words over and over in your mind. It seemed odd that something this important would be kept so secret from the others on base. Perhaps it was for a reason you couldn’t possibly understand. A screech of metal against the concrete caused you to look back up. The 3PO unit hadn’t budged.

“I’d like to be alone for a moment, please... to process.”

“My apologies,” The droid responded with a flat voice. It then shuffled out of the room.

It didn’t feel possible to stand up, not yet. You fumbled the knife and vial in your hands, the only weapons you had to end the reign of The First Order.

Lost in your trance, you didn’t notice Adi enter the room. Her black boots had just slightly entered your peripheral vision. You slowly lifted your head to meet her golden-brown eyes. She was in her typical base wear with her ebony hair up in a long braid.

“Hey! Where have you been? Captain gave out our assignments.” Her voice was bright and cheerful. It was a stark contrast to how you had been feeling all morning.

“Just a meeting with Sest.” You answered plainly, mindlessly fumbling with the dagger and vial.

“Oh. What are those?” She asked. Her boots skidded against the floor as she stepped forward for a better look.

“Nothing.” You quickly slipped them into a pocket in your cargo pants and flashed her a smile. If she had noticed your odd behavior, she didn’t show it.

“Well breakfast then?” Adi asked stepping back towards the door.

“Yes.” In reality, your stomach was queasy, constantly turning since the morning begun. You weren't sure if you would be able to keep anything down, but if anything could get your mind off of what was happening, it was Adi. “I’m starving.”

“Great! Then we can talk all about your secret meeting with Commander Sest.” She giggled and took your arm to lead you down the hallway towards the cafeteria. As you walked, you began to wonder how many breakfasts you would have left with your best friend. The contents of your pocket chimed with each step.


	2. Welcoming Party

The journey felt impossibly long. The Steadfast was stationed not far from Coruscant, but even at lightspeed, it felt as if everything was in slow motion.

You found yourself pacing behind the cockpit, to the dismay of the pilot. You didn’t know him well; he was young and fresh out of pilot school. Cody Alows was his name. Striking up a conversation might’ve made the time go faster, get your mind off what was to come, but he didn’t seem like much of a talker. Each time you passed behind his seat, you could practically feel his eyes roll.

With no friend to speak to and seek solace from, the anxiety festered further. You began to take deep breaths and focus your mind as Leia had taught you. During your meeting with the General, she had taught you more about the force, what Kylo could do it. The mediation techniques were supposed to protect you against Kylo’s advances. The thought both filled you with excitement and worry.

After she had left you, Commander Sest gave you a more detailed brief of the plan. To him, the plan was straight forward. You were to attend the meeting as a Counselor to the Senator of Coruscant, get Kylo Ren alone, kill the man, then slip away before anyone even knew there was something wrong. It sounded so simple in your head. So simple and easy there was no possibility of failure. But you knew deep down it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing was going to fall into place. You were going to have to work hard to set yourself up for success. To set yourself up to survive.

Both your superiors had sent you off to Coruscant with kind words. You replayed what Leia had said to you multiple times during the trip: _You are making a huge sacrifice; the Resistance is grateful._ She had taken your hands in hers, eyes sincere and full of hope. With one last hug she whispered _May the Force be with you_ and sent you onto the transport. You wanted to say something back, but all you could muster was a simple nod.

Once you arrived on Coruscant, you were given further instruction. They filled you on the negotiations and politics that were to ensue. Attending the meeting without proper knowledge was a good way to get your cover blown. Thankfully, there wasn’t anything you hadn’t heard before. As a child, you had peeped in on conversations of your parents on Hosnian Prime. The things you heard then have now proven to be useful. 

Before your departure they dressed you in an elegant maroon gown. It had a beautiful simplicity to it with long sleeves and a high neckline. It hugged your waist tightly and flowed freely at your ankles. On top, you had a black cloak secured around your shoulders to protect you from the chilled air of the steadfast. It was the most beautifully thing you had ever been able to wear. Your wardrobe for the next few days contained more pieces like it; it was the one thing to look forward to.

Underneath your dress, a wire was placed gently against your sternum to record the events to transpire. It was hidden inconspicuously between your breasts. When they first placed it on, it was cold against your skin, but as time passed, you were thankful for how little you noticed its existence. 

In the pockets of your dress were the dagger and vial. As you ran your fingers around them in your pocket, you couldn’t decide whether Commander Sest giving you two options was a blessing or a curse. At that moment, they simply felt like a curse, each one burning a hole into your pockets. They wouldn’t let you forget their presence.

“We’re approaching the Steadfast,” Cody called from the cockpit. The ship slowed in its final approach to the large flagship. You took a seat next to Cody to get a better look. It was massive, unlike anything you’ve seen in person before. The power of the First Order felt very real as the transport gravitated towards the hangar.

You looked back down into your hands. If you could do this, even if you didn’t make it back to the resistance, at least then you would have done something important. Then the resistance would remember you, not just as the young, timid girl following in her parent's footsteps, but the girl that started the fall of the order once and for all. You adjusted the skirt of your dress and began your descent down the transport ramp, holding your head high as the Counselor of a senator would.

The hangar was large and open, nothing like anything the Resistance ever had. You kept your jaw from dropping in awe. Everything was a sleek black, even the droids. To your left, three other transports had just arrived with their delegates, each one dwarfed by the Steadfast.

When you took your last step off the ramp, you could feel all eyes turn to you. It couldn’t phase you though, you continued your way past The First Order Personal with your head held high. Cody was following close behind, his steps clearly more timid than yours.

In front of you, near the exit of the hangar, was a row of formal looking men, dressed in the dark attire of generals; legs shoulder-width apart and hands clasped behind their backs. One stood slightly taller than the others. His skin was pale, in large contrast to his fiery hair and piercing green eyes. You scanned the rest of the line; the others were not memorable. Where was Kylo Ren?

Your question did not go unanswered for long. Silence fell over the hangar. Heads turned to the opening blast door. A dark figure draped in textured armor and robes emerged. His steps were loud and commanding; the six figures behind him shadowed the movements.

“Ren,” Sneered the redhead. 

“General Hux,” Kylo responded. His voice was low and static. 

“Glad you could join us.” Kylo ignored the comment and turned to face the arriving delegates. He turned and faced you. The black helmet hid any sign of humanity in him. You had heard stories of Ben Solo, son of General Leia Organa and Captain Han Solo; stories of a cheerful young boy with bright eyes and a curious brain. A young boy who went misunderstood for too long. Now he was in front of you, hiding behind a menacing mask. Perhaps he looked like the images you saw of him in General Leia’s office, but it seemed more likely that the face was no longer of Ben Solo. Rather a face distorted and ravaged by the effects of the darkness. 

After a few long strides, you were standing before the line of men. All of their heads were turned to you. 

“General Hux,” You said with a slight bow of the head. 

“Counselor Cerlari Bertu of Coruscant,” General Hux said as if he was announcing it to the others.

The resistance worked fast. In only a few short days, the First Order had been briefed on who you were, at least who you were supposed to be. You then turned to give a slight bow to Kylo. 

“Supreme Leader.”

“I am not interested in these formalities, General Hux,” Kylo said as he turned to the General.

You attempted to push past the feeling of his disdain.

“Thank you for your kind...” Kylo cut you off with a raised hand, keep his mask facing Hux. His leather-covered fingers, only inches from your face.

“Do not summon me for such trivial matters. I have much more important things to do with my knights than be a welcoming party.”

“Supreme Leader,” you attempted again. Kylo turned his head, finally facing you. You wanted to look into his eyes, but his helmet just provided a pit of darkness. “I just wanted to… thank you for your hospitality and…” A counselor wouldn’t trip over their words; they would be dignified and intelligent. You felt your face turning a warm red. 

“I’m not interested in your gratitude’s.” His voice was sharp, even through the modifier. 

“I just felt it appropriate for you to know that I am looking forward to discussing our relations.” 

“Celari Bertu. You’re quite young for counselor. Interesting we wouldn’t have heard you moving up the ranks in Coruscant so quickly.” _Fuck._ Could it be possible that he already knew? Leia had said he could look into your mind, but she said the pain from it would be agonizing as if he was sorting through your brain with his own hands.  
  
“I have only begun serving the Senator quite recently.” You could see Hux raising his eyebrows at the exchange but choosing not to intervene.

“Pathetic,” He sneered. “Coruscant didn’t even bother to send a worthy representative.” You wanted to pull out the dagger then and there. Nothing would bring you more joy than to stick the pointy end into his pretentious neck. 

“The Senator found it appropriate for me to attend in his place,” You answered, keeping your voice as steady as possible. “He regrets not being able to come himself.” 

“I’m sure he does.” It didn’t sound like Kylo believed what you were telling him. You suddenly became very aware of the presence of eyes behind you, staring at the back of your head in embarrassment. They were smart enough to quickly pay their respects and move towards the exit of the hangar. But you couldn’t help but linger. Thinking of his behavior, his appearance, it was too much for you. General Leia wanted to believe that there was good in him, but you felt that the only thing standing before you was a monster. This mission would be much easier to carry out than you originally thought; there was nothing to be misunderstood about Kylo Ren.

The Supreme Leader turned to leave, his cape whipped against your body. He nodded to his men, and they marched from the hanger, their boots thundering against the floor with each step.

You turned to face Cody, who had shuffled awkwardly behind you. He had no words for you. 

After the awkward interaction, one of the First Order personal stepped forward to take you to what would be your quarters for the next couple of days. She was young and dressed in a dark grey uniform, perfectly pressed. Unlike the others you had seen on ship so far, her uniform was a simple pair of pants and sleek top. Her smile was warm no one else on the ship seemed to match her demeanor. It reminded you of Adi.

“Follow me.” 

The walk was long and boring. Every feature of the ship felt very much the same, dark and minimalistic. With how maze-like the ship was, you weren’t sure you would be able to keep everything straight. When you finally made it, the women showed you the code to the door.

“A droid will be arriving with your belongings soon,” she said, turning to you. The door to the room shot open. You stepped inside to take a quick glance around before turning back to Zia.

“If there is ever anything you need, I am your girl.” You speculated from her behavior that the order hadn’t beaten all the light out of her yet. _Stay strong._

“That’s greatly appreciated. What is your name?” 

“Oh right,” Her cheeks turned a bright red. “Zia. I should’ve introduced myself first.” She shuffled her feet slightly. “I’m new, I apologize.”

“No need for apologies.” You smiled at her. "I'm Celari." 

“Well, thank you, Counselor Celari. I’ll leave you be, now. I will be back in the morning to help you prepare for the day,” Zia gave a slight bow and left flustered. Though she was clearly a sweet girl, you were pleased to be alone now.

Finally, you had time to take a closer look at your temporary quarters. It was exactly as you imagined it would be after seeing the rest of the ship. The only color in the room was the deep red sheets on the bed. A silky shine came from them; they screamed luxury and prestige. Next to the bed was a small nightstand with a single drawer. Empty. You turned to peek inside the refresher, which was located on the far wall. Inside was a simple glass shower, toilet, sink, and a shelf with a dark stack of towels. Everything was seemingly normal. You weren’t sure what you expected, but you never had the time to think about how human the First Order really was.

A beep came from the door, and a droid entered with your belongings. It placed the bag near the closet opposite the bed and quickly exited.

Unpacking did not take long as there were only three dresses, nightwear, and another dark-colored cloak. You hung each dress delicately in the closet, taking time to intricacy and elegance of each one, nothing like you had ever gotten to wear yourself. The dresses were each made from dark, luxurious fabric. You couldn’t help but touch every piece of fabric, every button, every stitch, and thread. Two of them had pockets, a dream come true.

Suddenly, you became very aware of what was still in your pockets. You hesitantly reached in to grab them. The nightstand seemed like the only place to keep them for the time being. You placed them carefully inside. As you pushed the drawer closed, the items rattled. You winced at the sound and desperately looked around for something to cushion them, make them more discrete.

The extra cloak would have to do. You removed it from the closet and returned to the nightstand drawer, wrapping it around the objects. It was tight, but eventually, you maneuvered the drawer shut again.

All you wanted to do was forget why you were there and just enjoy your lush accommodations. You headed to the refresher with your sleeping attire.

After removing the wire and dress, you entered into the heat of the shower. You took your time rinsing your body, rubbing away the worry. As you touched more soap to your skin, your brain went back to meeting the Supreme Leader, hearing his commanding voice, watching his large frame move with assertion, the knights following his every step.

You shook the thoughts away and began to tend to your hair. You couldn’t be sure how much time you had spent in the warmth of the shower, but after looking down at each of your fingertips, it had been enough time to get sufficiently clean. After drying, you dressed in your sleeping attire.

After switching the lights off, you laid on your back, staring up at the blank ceiling. You took long, deep breathes in and out, attempting to clear your mind. It took much longer to fall asleep knowing what was waiting for you when you woke.


	3. Lessons on Proper Discourse

The morning came quickly. Back on base, you would normally rise with the sun, but this morning you woke to the alarming sound of knocking. 

“Just a second,” you called. The knocking ceased. Across the room on the floor, the wire caught your eyes. You frantically jumped from the bed and shoved it into the closet before heading towards the door. Zia was on the other side. 

“Good morning, Counselor,” Zia said with a smile. “I’m here to help you prepare for the day.” She was dressed the same as the day before, and unlike you, seemed very awake. It wouldn’t have surprised you if she had just stayed in uniform, awake, all night long.

“Oh, could you give me a moment?” 

“Of course.” The blast door shut again. 

You raced across your room back to the closet, retrieving the wire. From the closet, you also pulled out a dress. You chose the most professional of them. 

The dress was a deep blue with a high collar that hugged your neck and shoulders perfectly. A long strand of satin ribbon ran through rings in the fabric in the back to be able to pull the dress tightly to your body. The skirt flowed freely at the bottom with an elegant shimmer that looked like the stars outside the Steadfast when the light hit it just right. 

You pulled the dress up around your chest but could not reach the back corset to tie.

“Zia, you may enter,” you said.

The blast door raised, and Zia stepped inside. Her eyes went wide.

“Counselor, I’m here to help you dress.”

“Celari and I appreciate your help, but I prefer to dress on my own.” You turned around to show the back of the dress, keeping your eyes on her. “But, I could use help with this.”

“Of course!” She strode over to you and gently laced up the bodice. Her fingers gently guided your hair from the front of your shoulders to down your back. “I can help you with this as well.” She gestured for you to sit on the edge of the bed. You nodded and followed direction. 

Her hands moved quickly, braiding your hair effortlessly. She took the braid and wrapped it up into a bun, leaving some to hang loosely at your shoulders and down your back. Her fingers moved along your neck to place your hair evenly. “You seem nervous, something wrong?” Something was terribly wrong. You shook your head. “Well, you look beautiful.”

Zia stepped back to admire her work.

“We should be going now,” she said.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I’ll just need a few moments for myself. I will meet you in the hall in just a few moments,” you responded. Zia simply nodded and exited. 

You were supposed to get the Supreme Leader alone but were unsure how that would be possible at a meeting such as it was. You decided to slip the dagger into your pocket anyway. 

Just as she said, Zia was waiting patiently in the hallway with her hands behind her back. Each of your heels clicked with every step, in time with Zia in front of you. As she escorted you through the halls, you began to recite all the information you learned on Coruscant. Most of it was quite simple, you just needed to know that Coruscant was not about to take some bullshit from the First Order. 

Lost in your trance, you hadn’t noticed Zia stopped in her tracks and almost stumbled into her. 

“Here we are,” Zia said gesturing to the large blast door. 

“Thank you,” you responded with a nod.

“My pleasure. I will be back to assist you back to your quarters after the meeting.” She left quickly and you turned to face your doom. 

The room looked like the rest of the large ship, dark but refined. Each wall, except for the back one, was painted black, lined with intense, blinding lights. The far wall was an expansive window, looking out into the galaxy. In the middle was a long conference table, already full. The only vacant spaces were at the far end of the table and a chair near the middle on the right side. It was clear which was meant for you. 

The chair was quite uncomfortable, almost as uncomfortable as the uptight mood in the room. You adjusted your skirt to properly flow to the floor and rested your hands in your lap.

“Counselor Bertu, I hope you found your quarters to be of satisfaction,” Hux spoke from across the table. 

“Yes, thank you, General.” You were sincere. The accommodations were far more luxurious than you had ever experience back at base. There, you had a small room shared with Adi. The walls were rock, that never failed to leave dust and grime across the floor and your tiny bed. Light was sparse as it could only come in through a tiny cut out near the celling. Thankfully, Adi’s personality made up for it.

His thin lips formed a slight smirk. “That pleases me to hear.”

The rest of the table was full of chatter. Each person radiated prestige and pretension. Even from just seeing them waist up, it was clear they were dressed in attire just as elegant as your own. You recognized a few of the faces, including one of the senators you met at the briefing on Coruscant; hopefully the others didn’t recognize you. 

It was unlikely considering you were just five years old, almost twenty years ago now. Your parents would discover you hiding in cabinets, under tables, behind doors, trying to hear in on their meetings. As a child, you felt you needed to learn everything you could from your parents. To be like them. 

After these meetings they would go on missions and leave you behind. You were taken care of by other members of the New Republic and if you were lucky they’d show you some defensive tricks. When your parents returned you would show them what you learned over and over and each time they would praise your achievements.

Your parents continued to leave on missions and you began to train for real, reaching the top of your class. Years passed like this, until you turned seventeen and left them behind.

Suddenly, you heard someone say your name, your real name. Perhaps you were just hearing things, your adrenaline was pumping. You kept your eyes on General Hux.

“And Zia has been a great help,” you told him. Hux simply nodded in response. 

You heard your name again, it was definitely real. Every muscle in your body began to tense. You remembered what Leia had warned you, “Do not get caught.” She ran her thumbs over the backs of your hands. “What they would put you through would be far greater than death.” 

Those words were hitting hard now. 

Hux turned his head towards the man sitting next you, saying your name. His eyes were narrowed, leery of the man.

You turned to face him as well. The man had a kind face, riddled with wrinkles and age. His chin was covered by a short, scrappy beard. 

“Are you speaking to me sir?” You asked timidly. Sweat began to dot along your palms.

“(Y/N)?” He asked.

“I’m afraid not sir, you must’ve mistaken me for someone else. “ You wiped your hand discretely across you dress skirt and stretched it out for him to accept. “Celari Bertu. Pleasure to you meet you.” 

He accepted your hand, brought it to his lips then lowered it back to your lap. “My apologies. I thought you were the daughter of some old friends. It’s been many years but I thought you might recognize me too.” 

“My apologies, sir, I don’t believe we’ve ever met.” Lorne Iness. He had been at some of those meetings you snuck in on. He had clearly experienced much more life but even with the wrinkles and greying hairs, he was as lively as ever. 

“No apologies necessary, you just remind me so much of her. The same eyes, intense but beautiful.” Lorne’s lips curled into a polite smile. 

“Thank you, sir. If you don’t mind me asking, when was the last time you saw her?” You could feel Hux’s eyes peering into you, unamused with your conversation. What would he remember about you? It was dangerous to ask but you couldn’t stop yourself. 

“I don’t mind at all.” Lorne paused. “Hosnian Prime, at a meeting like this one. Must’ve been over fifteen years now. In the middle of it she slipped and knocked over some containers. Made a huge noise, must’ve embarrassed the hell out of her when everyone turned to look. She was always sneaking around, trying to be just like her parents.” He let out a deep chuckle. 

The mention of your home planet sent a shiver down your spine, the planet that now ceased to exist. “Sounds like me as a child.” You relaxed into a smile, vying for him to tell you more. 

“She was curious and headstrong. When she was old enough, she left, presumably for the Resistance. She always had big ideas, political ideas, much like her parents. It seems she wanted to chase those aspirations. I haven’t seen her since.” Loren’s smile faded slightly. The chatter continued around the room until the blast doors rose again. 

Kylo stormed in, no knights behind him. He took his place at the head of the long table, placing his large, leather-covered hands on its edge. His helmet was still covering his face; the same black armor and cloak covered his large frame. 

No one dared to make a sound. Kylo flicked his wrist, and datapads were placed in front of each delegate. On each screen flickered a plan laid out in plain tongue, a plan for the Order to get what they want from each system represented in the room.

People in the room began to scan the plan, focusing intensely on their planet’s role in it. 

At first glance, you already were on edge from the Order’s selfish plan. This meeting started to feel less like a time for negotiation. It was a time to instill terror and coerce. Bringing everyone here was a formality.

Across the table, you could feel Hux’s eyes watching your every fidget as you read. He clearly knew what you were reading and knew exactly what kind of girl you were.

Murmurs began around the room. You couldn’t make out any discussions to be able to tell if the muttering was positive or negative. 

Kylo raised his gloved hand to silence the room. “As you see before you, more support and resources will give each of you further protection and foundation from the First Order.”

“If you can ensure these changes to be a lucrative endeavor, then you have our support,” a Muun spoke up. He stood out with his lanky features and choice of attire. The Muun were a brilliant species, developing their system to be one of the wealthiest in all the galaxy. Their home planet Muunilinst was still attempting to recover from past conflicts but clearly on the upswing. They didn’t make bad deals; they made money. Something clearly appealed to him in the plan. 

Kylo simply hummed in approval. Others spoke up in quiet affirmations.

“Any objections before we finalize?” He questioned the group, not expecting a sound. 

“I have one,” you answered.

“What exactly what that be, Counselor Bertu?” He sneered your name in distaste. His voice was filled with an unpleasant venom, it left bitterness at the tip of your tongue.

“The agreement laid out is nonsensical.” Every head was turned to you, most eyes filled with fear, a few with concession and support. “Allocating that many resources to the outer territories benefit only the Order, none of those you propose to support the plan. Not really, anyway.” Your words seemed to push people back into their chairs, except for, Hux who leaned forward, feasting on your confidence but hoping for your embarrassment. Kylo was also leaning forward now, his legs spread in a commanding stance with knuckles clenched on the edge of the table. No one spoke to contest, so you continued, “Not to mention adding checkpoints like that would cripple The Corellian Trade Spine, something many systems in this room depend on, including the Order. And all just to find a girl?”

The girl, Rey. She was fairly new to the base but clearly an asset. General Leia was obviously fond of her, which proved her apparent importance, but the fact that Kylo was so intent on finding the girl, she must be more than just another force sensitive in the Resistance. 

Kylo wanted to create checkpoints on major trade routes and access points to find her. To find her and bring her back to the Order, even though there were many pressing issues. He was obsessed. 

“You have much to say for a Counselor,” Kylo spat. He was now stood up straight with his arms alert, looking as though he was ready to strike. 

“I am simply doing my job Supreme Leader.” You emphasized his title. “Counseling. And it appears that this plan is in need of adjustment if it is to be conducive to a beneficial outcome for all parties.” You weren’t sure where this confidence was coming from, but you couldn’t stop your mouth now.

“You should know better to speak so out of turn, Counselor,” he sneered. 

“My apologies Supreme Leader.” You bowed your head slightly. “We all have the same goals here, and as leaders, we have the responsibility to do what is best for each of our people in pursuit of those goals.”

“Are you questioning my ability to lead?” Kylo tilted his head and leaned further forward. 

You paused, definitely for too long. You gave a short, “no.” 

You weren’t supposed to push that far, go up against the order like that, in fact, you were sure Coruscant and the resistance would rather you keep your mouth shut as much as possible. You just simply could not fathom how men with such power, didn’t know much in the way of proper political discourse. 

Suddenly, you could feel your airway constricting, the air struggling to flow through your throat. You moved your eyes to look at Kylo he was staring back with a hand raised. Everyone’s eyes were on you, expression stoic as possible. 

The painful tingling sensation, you could feel it all throughout your body from your head to your toes and in your… was this turning you on? You could feel his power overtaking every part of your body. Your fingers found a way to your neck, trying to pry away the invisible hands. The constriction lessened but was now minimizing the blood flow to your brain, and it was euphoric. A small sound came out your mouth, something of a moan. It was horrifying.

Moments later, he lowered his arm back to his side and your body relaxed with it. Your cheeks were now beet red. No one acknowledged the embarrassing occurrence that just transpired. Only Lorne turned to give a reassuring face, but he too quickly returned to attention. 

“Anyone else take issue with how I lead?” Kylo asked the group. Only silence. After a few moments, you felt control back over your body and stood. The chair slid against the slick ground from under the table. You took one final deep breath before speaking, not wanting to sound weak. 

“If there is currently no reasonable comprise we can come to as adults in this negotiation, then I will be excusing myself early, my apologies,” you said with your head held high. “Supreme Leader.” You bowed your head and turned to look back across the table. “General Hux.” You turned on your heel and headed for the door. There were murmurs behind you as you exited the room. 

Zia was waiting patiently for you outside, along with others you assumed were there to assist the other delegates. You couldn’t face the sweet girl without bursting into tears. You were confused, hurt, lustful?

“Celari, is everything alright?” Zia asked, looking around to see what time it was. “You shouldn’t be out quite yet.” She was right; the meeting should’ve been hours. Even without any objections, more discussion would come from resource allocating, appointing positions, etc., but you wouldn’t be a part of it. You couldn’t. 

“Everything is quite fine.” You forced a smile.

“Then I will show you back to your room.” You shook your head.

“I would like some time to myself, to meditate on the meeting.” Her face was full of confusion, but simply let you brush by her. 

Once out of view of the others, you broke into a hurried jog. You weren’t sure if you were going to be able to make it through the maze that was the Steadfast back to the room, but you needed to get somewhere private, fast. The halls felt slightly familiar as you quickened your pace around each corner. Finally, the familiar door came into view.

Once inside, you fell to your knees against the bed. Your throat felt as though someone had stuck their hand inside, attempting to pull the life out of your body. Everything was too much; you couldn’t stop the tears. The salt pricked your lips as you took in each painful breath.

You pulled out the dagger and held it out in front of you. Through watery eyes, you inspected the blade, your fuzzy reflection looking back at you. 

Until that moment, you had never been so sure where it would end up.


	4. I Don't Apologize with Words

Your eyes flickered open, attempting to bring the wall in front of you in focus. You reached across the cold floor to bring about your bearings. The position you head slept in caused a throbbing pain across the side of your body. You reached your hand up to your face to feel the creases left in the pattern of your dress sleeve. As you propped yourself up onto your elbows, memories of the night before began to emerge.

After releasing your last exhausted cry, you were summoned for dinner with the others. Not wanting to let Kylo get his satisfaction, you attended. Zia assisted in making yourself presentable again for the party. She didn’t pry for an explanation of why you were in the state that you were. She simply reminded you that she would listen and not judge if you ever needed to talk. The kind gesture was calming.

The Supreme Leader didn’t even bother attending, but Hux was there, being his smug self. When you made eye contact with him from across the room, he raised his glass, flashing a sinister smirk. He was speaking to the old man that had recognized you the day before, Lorne Inness. The man that truly did know who you were. He also flashed a smile and a polite nod, but unlike Hux, it was comforting.

The night was spent conversing with other delegates learning about their home planets, their life there, their jobs, and it was actually pleasant. For the night, you enjoyed playing someone else, making up your own story.

Decadent champagne was being served, and as the night continued, you found yourself going back for more and more. You couldn’t be sure how many you had. All you knew was you danced, and you never danced. When the evening ended, Zia hadn’t been around to help you return to your quarters, which explains sleeping on the floor in your dress. 

You pushed yourself from the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. Hopefully, you didn’t let anything incriminating slip the night before.

Inside was a paper folded in thirds, covered in beautiful calligraphy.

_ Counselor, _

_ I am writing to formally invite you to spend dinner with me to apologize for my behavior in yesterday’s meeting. Zia will escort you promptly at 1900 hours.  _

_ -Supreme Leader Ren _

More of a command than an invitation, but you were certainly intrigued. From the looks of it, Kylo had not written the note himself, and it was couldn’t possibly have even been his idea. You placed the letter on the bedside table and headed to prepare the day.

The steaming water felt amazing on your body but wasn’t doing wonders for your still pounding head.

When you stepped out of the shower, you decided to lounge in your towel, not wanting to confine your body in one of the dresses yet. You spent the day wondering what dinner would be like. You were summoned for a few meetings throughout the day but decided to make up an excuse to stay in for the day. Nothing you were summoned for was of much importance and could easily be resolved by the others, so you lounged on your bed to ponder your evening.

Your eyes had barely left the clock, so you noticed Zia had arrived promptly at 1800 hours to assist you in getting ready.

“Good evening Celari,” Zia beamed after you called for her to enter your quarters. You smiled and greeted her. “What will you be wearing for your meal tonight?”

You strode to your closet, pulling out the last dress to show her. It was a matte black, designed to be much more revealing than the ones you had worn previously. It hugged your curves perfectly and elegantly cascaded around your knees. A sheer length of fabric-covered your chest and then fell down the back of your shoulders into a cape.

In the last few days, you had been wearing the same heels, but Zia had brought you a new pair to match the beauty of the dress.

Once again, Zia respected your wishes to dress alone in the refresher. You couldn’t risk her seeing your little secret. When you emerged, Zia’s eyes widened, as if they could even get any bigger. You gave a little twirl, and Zia clapped her hands together.

“It’s perfect!” She cheered. “You look perfect.” Her voice was so sincere, your confidence was soaring.

With your look perfected and the time approaching 1900 hours, Zia guided you to an area of the ship you hadn’t been to yet. Your time in the ship had been confined to your quarters, the conference room and the other larger room for entertaining.

The two of you crossed over a small bridge. You looked down to see layers of marching stormtroopers and droids, going about their daily routes. Everything about this area of the ship felt more military than the rest.

Once to the other side, Zia showed you down one last hallway and the feeling changed again. A couple troopers lined the walls, not reacting as you moved past. At the end was a large blast door. It opened as you approached.

Zia gave a slight bow, “Enjoy.” She turned and left before you could respond.

The room was unlike the rest of the ship. The walls were a stark white and quite bare, except for a few doors. You wondered where they led to. The ceiling was high and scattered the room with bright lights. In the middle was a small, circular table. Two chairs sat opposite each other. There was no sign of Kylo, so you began to approach one of the far doors.

You reached for the control panel to see if it would open. Across the room, behind you, another door opened. You let out a gasp and turned, back pushed up against the wall. Every muscle in your body tensed, blood pumping rapidly. A Sentry droid was staring back at you.

With a slow breath out, you pushed off the wall and decided to take a seat. The droid exited out into the hall, unphased by your presence. A few minutes passed before you heard the pounding of Kylo’s boots. It was exactly 1900. The blast door opened, and he strode over to the table. You stood up. His helmet scanned the entirety of your body.

He didn’t say a word, simply gestured for you to sit again and took the seat across from you.

You decided to be the first to break the silence, “I’ll be honest, I was quite surprised to receive that invitation this morning.”

Kylo sat back in his chair, “Trust me, I am just as surprised as you. It took some convincing from others, I caved.” You wanted to ask who, it certainly wasn’t Hux; they hated each other and probably you as well. The more you thought about it, maybe it was Hux trying to orchestrate a disaster of an evening. “I mean, you must’ve been humiliated couldn’t just let you spend the rest of your time on the Steadfast alone and embarrassed.” 

You ignored his snide comment. “Well, whoever they were, the note was a nice touch.”

Kylo paused, presumably formulating his response. “You’re welcome,” he said slowly.

“Oh, you wrote the note? Your handwriting is adorable.” The edges of your lip curled. The thought of him actually sitting down to write was endearing. 

“Adorable?” His voice was full of disgust. “Calligraphy is an art, my dear, nothing adorable about it... Not that you would know.”

“Dear,” you repeated the nickname quietly. “Repulsive.”

Kylo let out a deep chuckle in amusement like he enjoyed getting under your skin.

“I would’ve never taken you as a man of the arts.” Kylo didn’t acknowledge to your comment so you moved on. “Was there something you would like to say to me?”

You wondered what his face looked like now. Was he wearing a sinister smile thinking about what happened or raising his eyebrows in surprise? Maybe his brow was furrowed in frustration.

“No,” he finally answered plainly. “I have nothing to say but I hope you enjoy the meal.”

“I will,” you said leaning forward. You kept your voice low and seductive. His breath hitched, slightly, just enough for you to notice and he shifted in his chair.

A silence came over the two of you as you waited for dinner to be served. His helmet was still in place. You wondered if you would finally be able to see his face once the food arrived.

After a few moments, a droid entered with two plates and placed one in front of each of you. It was full of vegetables meticulously placed around some type of brown protein. You thanked the droid, and Kylo let out a huff.

“You thank the droids?” He asked earnestly. His chest was now hovering over the plate of food as he leaned forward. It appeared he really didn’t understand you at all.

“Unlike you, I find that everyone deserves my respect until proven otherwise.” You truly believed that. Being raised by parents heavily involved in politics meant respect was everything in your household, droid, humanoid, or otherwise.

“Everyone? So, they’re people now?” You could practically feel his eyes narrow on you. His body fell back into the chair.

You just shook your head and hesitantly reached for the fork, picking up a small bite. Kylo remained relaxed back in his chair, legs spread in a commanding position. The utensils in front of him continued to lay on the table.

“So, you’re just going to watch me eat?” You asked, tilting your head.

“Does that make you insecure, counselor?” He asked smugly.

“That would imply that I care what you think of me, and I simply do not.” Kylo paused, his hands awkwardly hovering; as if deciding what to do. Eventually, he began to reach for the sides of his helmet. “Don’t bother, this meal is a gift to me anyway. Your apology remember?” He stopped and sat back into his seat. The truth was you didn’t want to see his face; what if it was beautiful? Enchanting? Much easier to have dinner with an ugly victim.

For a few moments, the only sound was the clinking of your fork against the plate of food. Every bite was as intricate as the last; of course, they only served the best to the Supreme Leader. You wanted to enjoy every bit, so you attempted to forget that the devil was watching and almost did until he spoke again. “Quite the mouth on you.”

“Does that bother you, _Supreme Leader_?”

“Ren.”

“Does that bother you… Ren.” He leaned forward as you emphasized his name.

“No, I find your confidence admirable.” The words were a compliment in disguise. You knew he had contempt for you. He made that very clear the day before, and he made it clear he wasn’t really into apologizing.

“I just want you to know that your whole thing.” You moved your fork in a circle, gesturing to him. “I see right through it, you don’t intimidate me.”

“Of course, I don’t, I know everything about you.” You choked mid-bite, and your pulse began to increase uncontrollably.

You swallowed. “Oh, do you?” He rose from his seat and to bring his helmet close to your ear. As soon as his head was near yours, you became very aware of the wire resting between your breasts. Your hands were becoming slick against the silverware.

“Everything.” His mechanical voice was uncomfortably close. Even when he leaned back into his chair again, it continued to reverberate through your ears.

A lower-ranked officer entered into the room, breaking the tension. He leaned down to whisper into Ren’s ear. Ren nodded and waved the man off. “It appears I must be going. Truly unfortunate that I have to end our evening so early,” He said before turning to follow the officer out of the room. Enjoy my apology. His voice was now silky smooth but still deep, unrecognizable, and you didn’t hear it with your ears; it crawled around your brain.

The door slammed down behind him and left you in painful silence. He couldn’t know. There was no way he knew. It must’ve been a tactic, something to catch you off guard, giving up information you didn’t need to reveal.

After recovering from the exchange, you realized you just missed your chance. You could’ve slit his pretty throat or invited him to sip from a poisonous cup.

The last bit of food went down quickly, and you chugged the elegant wine. You wanted to get back to your room as soon as possible but knowing you wouldn’t receive a meal like this again anytime soon, you had to feast on every last bit. Across the table from you, his plate stayed, taunting you.

A droid was still lingering in the corner when you rose to leave. You gave it your thanks and excused yourself back to your room.

When you arrived back at your quarters, your hands were in tight fists, and your brow furrowed. You had let him distract you. That was your last chance, the last evening on the Steadfast, and you did nothing. Ren even served himself up on a silver platter.

You tore your dress off and threw it aside. Looking around, you could see Zia had been in to pack up the rest of your belongings while away at dinner. With nothing left to do, you collapsed onto the bed. Your body was still shivering from Kylo’s words, repeating them in your head. His voice was deep but silky. Underneath the mask, behind the voice modifier, was a real man. To distract yourself, you counted the panels on the ceiling above the bed. You couldn’t fall asleep for hours.


	5. I Owe You

It felt as though your eyes had just closed. That your mind had found enough peace to be able to drift asleep but, you were already being awoken by the sound of a deafening alarm.

You flung yourself from the bed and searched frantically for something to wear. You brought your hand to your chest, you had forgotten to remove the wire the night before, it was still cold against your skin.

Across the room, your dress from the night before was thrown haphazardly on the floor. You pulled it on, not bothering with back.

Once dressed you, ran out into the hall, holding your dress up. The hall was empty except for the scream of the alarms. You ran towards the hangar, calling out for Zia, for Cody, for anyone, to explain what was happening.

You ran towards the screams and firing blasters. An attack was happening on the Steadfast, the crisscrossing of fire was happening in the sky. Your heart was beating out of your chest, unable to grasp the situation.

Once inside the hangar, you were sure stored the transport you arrived in, you saw where the blasts were coming from. X-Wings. The Resistance was firing upon a ship full of delegates and you, one of their own. Recalling the plan Sest had laid out for you in your head, you didn’t remember this. No mention of a strike. This was too risky of a move to not have been calculated.

In the hangar, pilots were frantically jumping into their TIE Fighters to take down the X-Wings from the air. The delegate’s transports were sitting idle, not being able to escape from the onslaught of fire.

Your eyes scanned the hangar for your transport, but it was nowhere in sight. You had to find Cody, you had to get away from this fight. He was probably preparing the ship to leave when the attack started.

You made your way along the back wall, calling out his name. No one even looked at you to acknowledge your pleas. Stormtroopers and TIE Fighter pilots were passing by, frantically but orderly.

The ships flew out, one after another, beginning to chase down the swarming X-Wings.

While still calling out for Cody, you stopped in your tracks. Your chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace. After a few moments, you found the courage to step away from the wall, towards the transports.

You stood, barefooted and shaking, trying to see through the smoke. The grip you had on your dress was so tight, your knuckles were stark white.

You began to let out another strained cry for Cody and then another explosion. An explosion and then silence, just the vibrations of fire. Your head was light, but your feet were heavy, unmoving. You could see the retreating of those around you, but you couldn’t find the strength to follow.

Suddenly, you were whipped backward and pulled to the floor. The blast doors to the hanger slammed down behind you.

A heavyweight was pushing against your body, limiting the amount of air into your lungs. Kylo. He was laying on top of you. His heavy pelvis flush against your ass and an arm curled around, palm against your breasts. He shifted awkwardly, almost forcing his wide frame further into you.

“Are you alright?" His voice barely cut through the ringing in your ears. It was his regular mechanical voice.

“Yes, you can remove yourself,” you sneered. Please don’t. He rolled off, awkwardly snaking his arm out from underneath you.

He was now propped up on his elbows, only inches from you, head turned away. From the heavy mechanical breathing, it was clear he was just shaken as you, but attempting to mask it.

“Quite the attitude for someone who’s life was just saved,” he huffed, still refusing to face you. His helmet faced the floor, bobbing slightly with each deep breath. “Why didn’t you move?”

You didn’t have an answer. “Just in shock, I guess.” Kylo shook his head, exposing his neck.

You reached into your dress; the dagger was still there. You pulled it out, wrapping your fingers around it to hide the blade. There was a reason you were on that ship; you couldn’t forget that.

His neck was still slightly hidden underneath tuffs of hair coming from his helmet. This was the time. Just had to raise your arm a little bit more, reach over, pull the blade down forcefully on the carotid artery, just as you were trained.

He turned his head. You immediately slipped the dagger down into your sleeve. You held in a scream as the blade slid against your skin. “I can’t be watching out for you; I have more important responsibilities,” Kylo said sternly. 

“My apologies, I was just startled.” Take me back into your arms. Why were you acting this way? Everything was so overwhelming and confusing; you blamed the circumstances, what was happening beyond the blast door. The firing of blasters hadn’t slowed down.

You took a minute to recover your breathing, attempting to hide the pain. “I owe you.” You looked over his helmet and armor, looking for a sign of humanity from the person that just saved your life.

Ren’s helmet dipped to glance at your wrist and then back up to you. “Don’t flatter yourself, Counselor. Reporting your death to Coruscant would’ve been more work than worth.” A lie. The dead would be counted, systems would be made aware of the attack, and your disappearance would’ve gone unnoticed. What a prick.

“Thank you anyways.” Kylo nodded.

It didn’t take long for him to be back up onto his feet. He peered down at you, as if he was contemplating helping you back up, but didn’t speak a word, he didn’t hold out a hand, he turned back towards the hanger and left. His cape whipped behind him as he strode back through the door to face the Resistance.

You finally stood and continued to hear the booming of fire coming from the other side of the wall. The blood was now seeping through the sleeve of your dress. Thankfully, the black fabric was concealing it a little. You removed the blade, putting it back in your pocket, and applied pressure to the wound with your other hand, trying to mask what just occurred.

A nearby trooper spotted you alone and in distress. They snatched your elbow and led you to the centermost point of the ship where other delegates and their pilots were being held. You scanned the room for Cody. There weren’t any other young faces insight.

The room was much like the one used for the meeting, only without the table. There were no windows just thick black walls that thankfully muffled the sounds of war at least a little.

You approached the person in uniform closest to you. “Where is my pilot, Cody Alows?” The man stared back at you plainly. “He’s around twenty years old, about six feet tall, sandy blonde hair. He’s supposed to take me home, where is he?”

The man just shook his head, “I don’t know anything about the boy.” You scrunched your face in frustration and turned to the rest of the group.

“Cody?” The group turned to you, but no one said a word. Everyone’s faces were stoic, in shock. “Has anyone seen him?” Your voice was frantic, pleading. How were you to return to base safely?

An older woman finally stepped forward with hands clasped in front of her, dressed in a pilot’s uniform, much like Cody’s. Her steps were tentative. “Cody was in the hanger when the Resistance struck. He was preparing your transport.” The woman’s voice was wavering, she took a pause. “I had to leave, I had to get out of there, I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you say something right away?” The woman didn’t respond. Your head fell to your chest. The reasons you needed Cody were selfish, sure, but this attack was going to complicate things greatly. If he wasn’t the one to take you back, you could be exposed. Truly unfortunate to be on the 80.57% side of chance.

After the pilot turned away, you decided to sink down to the floor, back against the wall. The others were congregating together in the middle, attempting to comfort one another.

Time had never moved so slow. The sounds of battle continued outside the ship. You held your injured wrist close to your body, applying pressure to the still bleeding wound. You considered asking for help but weren’t sure if it appeared too suspicious. Injuring yourself with a knife couldn’t easily be mistaken for a battle wound.

You couldn’t be sure how much time had passed, and you weren’t sure what would end the onslaught of blasts, but you were sure this was the end for you. Lost in thought, you hadn’t even noticed the familiar face crouch before you. Lorne Iness.

“(Y/N),” Lorne whispered. “Let me help you.” He looked to the wrist you were clutching to your chest. In his outstretched hand was a long piece of fabric.

“How did you know?” Your voice was hushed but full of panic.

“I’d recognize those eyes and that fiery spirit anywhere,” he said with a smile. You timidly outstretched your arm, his crouched body blocking you from the rest of the room. He slowly pulled back your sleeve and wrapped the wound with fabric. “I’m afraid it’s all I have.” The fabric was pulled tightly around your wrist and was tied in a messy knot. You attempted to flatten it as you pulled your sleeve back over. 

“Thank you,” you said while letting out a large breath. 

“I don’t know why you’re here, and I’m sure it is for good reason.” Lorne paused and brought his hand up to rest against your shoulder. It was comforting and familiar. “The choice given to you is not always the right one, be careful.” His aged hand squeezed gently. 

“Why are you helping me?” You asked earnestly. You hadn’t seen this man in years, and you knew his system was quite the First Order supporters. 

He evaded your question, “If only your parents could see who you've grown up to become.” His fingers curled around your shoulder one more time, and then he stood to return to the others. 

You couldn’t be sure what he meant or if he was being honest with you. His face was so kind and familial; it didn’t seem like he even had the capability to lie. You played his words in your head over and over again. Thinking of your parents only made you slouch further onto the floor. Your back slid effortlessly down the sleek black wall. 

After more time passed, another Stormtrooper entered the room. They quickly strode over to the one stationed to protect the delegates near the other door. You tried to lean closer to hear their exchange, but it was too muffled. That did make you notice the now infrequency of fire. Was it over? 

Zia crashed through the same door the trooper had just entered moments before. Her face was beet red and slick with sweat. 

“Zia!” You called for her. Her eyes immediately locked with yours, wide and panicked. She rushed over to you and dropped to her knees at your side. 

“I’m so glad you’re ok! I went to your room once the alarms started, and when you weren’t there…” Zia was going a million miles an hour. She wrapped her hands around your forearms and pulled them into her lap. 

“I left as soon as I heard the alarms.” 

Zia finally caught her breath and smiled at you. “It’s over. The Resistance had brought their bombers, but we were able to destroy every which one.” You attempted to stay excited about the news, but those were your companions, the people you fought beside, trained with. 

“That’s great,” you forced. 

Her smile fell. “I do have some news about Cody.” She paused. It was a painful and agonizing pause. “He was in one of the hangars when we were attacked.” She must’ve noticed your expression because she began to tighten her grip on your wrists. “No, no, no, nothing like that. He will be ok, but it will take some time for him to recover. He sustained some bad injuries.” 

She pulled her hands away and began to examine one. It was covered in red. Her eyes widened.

“Oh my gosh, we need to get you to the med bay right away. What happened?” 

You let out a deep breath. “I’m ok. I don’t know what happened, everything was happening so quickly.” Zia nodded her head in understanding and helped you to your feet. 

“We’ll get you help, and then you can see Cody.”

You followed her closely through the maze of halls. You hadn’t been to the med bay yet; it was located somewhere beneath where you had been waiting out the attack. The area was in a frenzy, doctors and nurses scurrying from patient to patient, more than they could handle. 

Zia told you to stand still and then approached one of the nurses. While talking to him, she gestured back to you. The nurse read off the clipboard in his hand, but you couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. After a couple minutes, Zia returned to your side with a frown.

“He hasn’t woken yet, but they’re hopeful.” She paused. “I know you were supposed to leave today, but Cody won’t be ready. He probably won’t be ready for a few days.” 

“I would never force him to leave before he was ready.”

“If you would like, we could easily find someone else to return you to Coruscant,” Zia offered hopefully. You shook your head.

“I can’t leave him like that.” You really couldn’t. A First Order pilot returning you to a planet you didn’t belong at was a recipe for disaster. “I’ll wait until he is well again if that is alright.” 

The news was upsetting, but as dark was the thought was, Cody’s state bought you more time. You wouldn’t have to return to the Resistance, having failed. They had sustained enough failure already. You knew you could do it; you had been so close just earlier that day. When you finally could return to your team, you would be a hero. They would know that you were capable, they would all know. 

“I’ll be sure your quarters are tended to and your clothes laundered,” Zia said with a smile as if she was excited you were staying.

“And if it wouldn’t be too much, I would like to correspond with my superiors on Coruscant.” 

“Of course, I will set up a room for you to do so in private tomorrow morning. Is there someone I should contact in particular?”

“No, I can handle that,” you told her with a smile. Sest would be hearing from you whether he was expecting to or not.


	6. Betrayal is Bitter

The room Zia had taken you to was compact and ominous. Other than the holoprojector, was nothing but tall black walls and the door behind you. Even the lights were dark and dim. 

After the events of the day before, it was nice to experience some private time alone. The shock from the attack lingered on the ship long after it ended, leaving the heavyweight of urgency in the air. Like an automated machine, Steadfast technicians tended to the hangars and ships, doctors tended to the wounded, even the ghoulish redhead was seen scampering around the ship. 

On the way back to your room from the Medbay where they tended to your wrist, you had even seen Ren carrying out Supreme Leader duties. He passed you, Knights, at his heels, with commanding steps. You could’ve sworn you heard him say Counselor in the silky, seductive way he said it at dinner. But you turned your head to see he was wearing his helmet, facing proudly ahead. His Knights, the same. 

You were aware of the Force; you knew Leia had it and Rey. They had both taught you here and there, what the Force could do, the power it could give a person, but you had never encountered it like this before. Not so personally. Ren was constantly taunting you and you hated him for it. 

As you waited for the time for your call to finally commence, you examined the bandage around your wrist. Nurses had dressed your wound the day before when they finally had time between tending to troopers. After some stitching, they covered it in a viscous cream and wrapped it in a dark gauze like material. Among the chaos, no one had time to ask how you even got it. You were grateful for that. 

Whatever they had put on it also numbed the pain immensely; it was like nothing you’ve experienced before. The medical technology back at the Resistance base was good but the Order clearly was serious about keeping their soldiers healthy. 

When it became 0800 hours, you pulled your sleeve back over to mask it, not wanting to concern Sest. 

As usually he was late. It was 0815 when Commander Sest’s blue image finally flickered on. The hologram was raised on a stage, creating an intimidating atmosphere like he was looking down on you, down on your failures. Between that and the Resistance attack, you were reminded of how much control he had from afar.

The image was a little fuzzy, but you could see Sest was dressed in his typical uniform of brown and grey. In his eyes, you could see he was stressed, worn-out, but he wore a faint smile. 

“Commander Sest,” you said with a hushed voice. 

He responded with a curt nod and your real name. “I am happy and relieved to see you.” Perhaps if you hadn’t felt so betrayed you would return the same sentiment.

“And why would that be, Commander?” Sest furrowed his brow and began to cross his arms. You had never been aching to hear an answer so much before. 

“I heard what happened to Cody and couldn’t imagine if you two had both been closer to the fire.” From his voice it appeared he had real concern for the boy. At that moment Cody was probably still under, as you had not yet heard word he had awoken. His injuries though severe, would heal completely in time. You weren’t there to update him on Cody’s status though. 

“There’s more to it than that.” You didn’t want to let him off easy. He was your Commander, but the frustration started to fester more as you listened to his almost non answers. 

“Yesterday was full of tough losses for both sides,” he responded, not mentioning the actual event. “I am grateful you are standing here before me.”

“Surprised even?” You raised your eyebrows and leaned in as you questioned. 

“I know how strong and resourceful you can be.” The words should’ve felt sweet, like a genuine compliment, but instead, they felt empty, mocking. You had worked hard all those years training with the Resistance just to hear words like those; it was not like you imagined it would be. 

You brushed the thought away. Now was the time, you knew what you had to say to him, but you didn’t know how to say it. After a few moments of self-deliberation, you just let it out, “You could’ve had innocent people killed.” Though you kept your voice low and steady, you wanted to scream. Unfortunately, what existed beyond the door was preventing you from expressing yourself to the full extent. “There are other delegates, like me. Innocent people who do not deserve to be in the middle of your crossfire.” 

“They were giving in to the Order (Y/N), ready to support them. That does not make them innocent,” Sest answered with a steady voice. 

“Fine, then explain to me exactly what you accomplished with that attack.” His nose scrunched up as if he had just smelled something vile. And truly, what happened was vile to you. 

“I am your Commander; I am under no obligation to explain; you take orders as they come.” By the look on his face, he had spoken the words harsher than he meant. You began to wonder if the attack was planned before you had even left base. If the entire time, they were just listening to you through the wire to know when to strike. Though the thought was sickening, you couldn’t find the courage to confront him about it.

A silence came over the two of you; it was uncomfortable and dissonant. Sest finally let out a sigh. “Do you have them with you?” he asked. 

You simply shook your head no, you had left the dagger and vial back in your room, not needing it for the meeting. 

“Well, did you ever have a chance?”

“No.” You lied to your Commander. From his nod, you couldn’t tell if he believed you. The Resistance had been listening to everything that was happening… could they tell? 

“When you get him alone next... well, you know what to do.” He shifted his stance. “And as for the poison, I hope you won’t have to use it.”

The statement was confusing. Would he not want you to poison the Supreme Leader? If anything, it seemed to be a more inconspicuous way to get the job done. But then it was all becoming very clear. Though the dagger had a clear target, you had been naïve about the poison. You weren’t meant to come back.

“Why tell me the odds – as if I was supposed to return?” 

Sest said you name gently, “Of course we want you to return home safely, but if something were to go wrong.” He paused, longer than you would like. “We couldn’t risk you falling into their hands.” 

You gulped. His words reminded you of what Leia had warned. The Order would not punish you with a swift death; it would be drawn out, grueling, as they attempted to get every last bit of information for you. They would beat you into submission, whether you were successful or not. 

The Order had a way of doing that and with Kylo’s force abilities that he so savors showing off, you couldn’t bear to imagine what would happen if you exposed yourself without finishing the job. 

You began to open your mouth, but Sest cut you off, “We must part now, we cannot risk being discovered.” 

And with that, the flickering image of your Commander disappeared. You didn’t move right away. You couldn’t. 

Licking your now dry lips, there was a distinct taste in your mouth. You didn’t realize how sweet death could be until you tasted betrayal, and betrayal was bitter. 

You returned to the hallway. Zia was waiting for you with a wide smile. She was in her typical proud stance, legs shoulder-width apart, hands gently cusped behind her back. 

“Will you be returning home soon?” Zia asked. The conversation you just had, didn’t even touch on how or when or even if you could return home. 

“When Cody has recovered, I will go back with him. However long that takes.” 

“That’s very kind of you.” On the surface, perhaps it appeared to be, but you staying for Cody was truly selfish. You were hopeful for his quick recovery, but his misfortune also allowed for more time abroad the Steadfast, an excuse to extend your stay. 

Zia showed you back to your quarters like she had so many times before. This time was different though, it felt longer, painful. Your mind was racing with anger, confusion… betrayal. Zia couldn’t know, so you kept your head held high as you made your way through the maze of halls. 

Every Stormtrooper that watched as you pass on your way back increased the tension in your shoulders. It felt as though each one scanned your body, knowing exactly who you were and what you were doing on board. Like each one of them had just heard your conversation and were muttering to one another about how naïve you were. 

Never had you wanted to be alone more in your life. 

Lost in your thoughts, you almost rushed past your room. Zia held her arms out to redirect you to your door with a giggle. 

“We’re here.” Zia was wearing her typical sunny smile. If she knew what was going on, she was really good at hiding it. “Let me know when you are ready for your meal.” You quickly thanked and dismissed her, trying to escape into your room as quick as possible. 

When you entered, you scanned the room. Everything felt more orderly than it had before, your bed made, every surface shiny and spot-free, your extra cloak draped across your bed…. Your extra cloak draped across your freshly made bed? 

You raced to the bedside table and flung open the drawer. Empty. 

Every muscle in your body began to tense, constricting around your bones. The drawer stood idle as your body began to fall to the floor. It taunted you as you grabbed the edge of the bed, letting your knees slam violently against the floor. 

Those were your only chances and now whoever took them could know your secret. Or even worse took then to Ren and it would only be moments before Stormtroopers were standing at your door to arrest you. 

You wanted to let out a scream. You wanted to breakdown on the side of the bed. Let the tears stain the sheets below you, but then the door to your quarters opened, light steps entered. Hux.

Not wanting to appear suspicious, you quickly gained composure and stood up straight, pretending to have just pulled your comforter back into place. It was probably painfully obvious what you had actually been doing. Especially, considering the bed was just made, not a crease in sight. 

“General Hux, for what do I owe the pleasure?” You made sure to emphasize your actual displeasure. 

One of his arms was raised, in his hand were your little secrets. They were shining underneath the bright lights, as if under their own spotlight. 

Hux had on a smile that was impossibly sinister, immensely pleased with himself for holding the little objects in his hand. Your heart began to race. You couldn’t peel your eyes away from what he was holding. Everything in the room started to close in on you, only Hux appeared miles away. 

“Just wanted to chat, Counselor Bertu,” He answered smugly.

Hux sauntered further into the room. His green eyes were fixated on you, narrowed and chilling. 

“Don’t you find it a little unprofessional to snoop around a lady’s belongings?” 

“These were brought to me by a cleaning droid, simply doing their job counselor.” He paused to consider your accusations and lowered his arm. “I have no interest in such things, I assure you.” 

“Then, I am so thankful for you to be returning them to me.” You reached to snatch them from his thin fingers. He pulled away.

“What purpose does a Counselor, such as yourself, have for keeping these in her bedside drawer?”

“Protection.” From his menacing eyes and ghoulish grin, you could tell he didn’t buy it. 

“You’re a Counselor with access to plenty of protection. You can be honest with me.” Hux took a step towards you, his head angled down, inches from your forehead. 

“That was an honest answer.” Your voice was on the cusp of breaking, but you couldn’t be so easily shaken by a man like Hux. 

“Are you sure? You didn’t happen to have these lying around to make an attempt on Ren’s life?” Hux began to examine the two items, holding them up to the light. “I wouldn’t blame you, he is a pain, a giant man child.”

“No.” You answered stern, snatching your blade and vial back. Each step you took forward caused him to retreat. “I am a young woman on an unfamiliar ship far, far from home with thousands of strangers.” His back was now against the wall. “I am always prepared to protect myself.” Hux’s eyes were squinted and his lips in a thin line. You grunted and turned away from the man. The room became filled with silence until you heard his footsteps heading towards the door and then out, back into the vastness of the ship. 

You moved to clench the edge of the bed, the dagger, and vial burning into your palm. It was certain if Hux was going to tell or not, but either way, you knew your days were numbered.


End file.
